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PSA: Following your heart is f-ing terrifying.

My life is currently in a state of total upheaval. I have decided to quit teaching, leave the country, head back to Europe and pursue my dream life. What is my dream life, you may ask. Erm well, I’m not 100% sure of that. But what I am sure of is, that this is not it. It’s not what I have right now. What I have right now is incredible, don’t get me wrong. I have a job I love, friends who love me, I live in Florida for christ’s sake. But my heart just isn’t feeling it. So I decided to do what, apparently, I do best…

Which is say “Fuck it” and bail!

Or as the saying goes “leap and the net will appear”. I’m so excited at the prospect of my new life, whatever it may entail. At being back in Europe. Being close to the people I know best and who love me the most. Being near my family. I feel like I can fuck it all up back home and it not be a big deal, that I’ll style it out. I can’t wait, really.

But I’m also fucking terrified.

Maybe this is something no-one has ever told you, but following your heart is not easy. It’s not smooth. It doesn’t always make sense. But whenever I make a big life-changing decision I know it’s right because regardless of all the external chaos, on the inside I am calm. My heart and soul carry this joy with them that stems far beyond the excitement of circumstances.

As a collective, we need to get better and being fucking scared. The unknown is scary but as they say if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always got. The only way to get something different is to do something different. Looking back on my life, it seems like I have been pretty good at following my heart. But making these decisions has always put me in conflict with society.

Like, you can’t just quit your job and leave without a serious plan Rachael?! You can’t just do whatever you want Rachael?!

I’ve heard it over and over. And I’m sure you have too! Society has this way of telling us what we are, and are not allowed to feel, do, and be. If you let it, it will smother you. I know, because I have. I’ve tried to be forced into various boxes, over and over again. Each time it has failed and I’ve been left feeling deflated and suffocated because that isn’t in alignment with who I really am.

My life has been chaotic, like I’m always swimming up river. The last month has shown me that it feels like I’m swimming upriver because I’m fighting the chaos.

So, I’ve decided to embrace it. To be brave.

In the essence of being brave, I am embracing my chaos. I have looked back on my whole life and it has been one chaotic situation after the next. Something about my being seemingly creates and then thrives from chaos. It is in chaos that I learn how to be my best self, one heartbreaking instance at a time.

I’ve decided to stop swimming upriver, fighting the current. I’m gonna let it guide me, throw me through the rapids of life and off the edge of waterfalls until I land in that jungle oasis. I know there is an oasis out there for me. But I don’t think it’s a place. I need to accept my vagabond heart and go where it takes because I know there I will find even more joy.

So this is your reminder to do the things that fucking terrifying you. They will break you, shape you, and lead you to where you want to be.

There is no way in fiery hell that I could have created and guided the crazy journey of life I have experienced thus far and I am so fucking grateful!

How many adventures, loves, friends and sights I may have missed out on. Universe, I am ready. Let’s go!

1 thought on “PSA: Following your heart is f-ing terrifying.”

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